by David Rowley
“Who the heck was Babyface?” I pondered whilst chatting with the company driver on the way to Heathrow airport. I told him that I was to meet Dave B in Brunei. “You know Babyface, everyone knows Babyface,” he told me whilst trying to describe him further, but I still couldn’t put a face to him.
I have flown to SE Asia some 30 or more times but that first flight remains the most vivid because of the two Scottish characters next to me. They were oil workers from Glasgow and could have made a brilliant comedy duo, only they failed to realise their own potential. Had I recorded their varied conversations on that flight then I fancy I could be a wealthy man by now. The topic that still stands out was a discussionabout which of them was biologically the more efficient. Not based on any blood pressure checks, pulse rates or even what they could do in a gymnasium, instead it was gauged by how frequently they passed stools. The elder chap informed the younger one that he went to number two just once a week, whilst the younger chap apparently went twice or even three times a day. Both seemed extreme to me, but I was merely an audience. The elder one claimed that because he only had to sit on the loo once a week rather than up to twenty one times, he was more efficient because of the time saving factor. The younger chap disagreed and argued that for much of the time he was carrying about far less excess baggage, as he put it. He had a point. He further explained that his bodily organs were kept in better shape because of the regular bowel movements, and that his colon was well exercised and therefore in tip-top condition. I struggled not to laugh out loud in disbelief at some of it. They appeared to take their various discussions seriously and any chuckling might well have caused offence.